Tuna Melt Down


There are two kinds of people who eat tuna.

The first are those in it for its value. Low calories, low carbs, high protein for a low price. It’s a staple for those trying to get fitter and healthier. These are the type to eat it straight from the can, as I’ve done oh so many times.

The second are in it for the taste. Why not, right? Tuna’s delicious and can be made more delicious by incorporating it into a variety of recipes.

That’s what I’ll be featuring here, since a post solely about opening a fucking can of tuna is a post wasted.

This is a simple one, ’cause I’m a simple cook. I dislike most meal preparation if it’s time-intensive (unless the end result is really worth it), so if you’re anything like me, then you’re probably gonna dig this.



First up, tuna. This is key. Don’t shit the bed and be the guy who forgot to put tuna in the stupid tuna melt. That guy doesn’t get invited places.


Next, we got diced onions. Don’t like onions? Grow up.


Pop some relish on. Don’t like relish, either? Why are you still here?


Top it off with Dijon mustard and lemon juice, which you can’t see on account of it being lemon juice.

Many recipes use mayo as well. I’m not, because while this is a slight indulgence, mayo’s my limit here regarding unhealthiness. Also, I don’t have any.


Dave’s Powerseed Bread. More protein and fewer calories than most bread. Any type works here, though. I’d probably spring for sourdough otherwise.

Mix up your tuna concoction and pack it on the bread before piling on the cheese.




Some people use the stove to make tuna melts. Some degenerates even use the microwave.

Fuck those people. Toaster oven or bust.

I’ve read several recipes that use the broil setting, but it’s not called a “broil oven,” so get that weak shit outta here. Put it on ‘toast,’ or start fabricating your tax forms, because you’re living a lie.


And voila, you made something beautiful.

Now put it in your mouth.


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